Don’t Negotiate with Toddlers
If you’re practicing planning and calendaring, soon enough you’ll find yourself in a position of not wanting to do the thing you scheduled to do. As a result, you may find yourself feeling some intense emotions, tensing your muscles, and resisting or downright refusing the task at hand. Just like a toddler would. Instead of throwing ourselves on the ground with flailing limbs, we throw ourselves on a couch or bed with our phone, flailing ourselves into socials and DMs.
Whether it’s the spring-cleaning of your closet, the meditation practice you committed to, or the research you need to switch to renewables, it’s likely that your in-the-moment brain will much rather do something easy and fun, that takes up less energy and concentration, and that we’re comfortable doing. Of course it does: when faced with immediate choices, our brain tends to prioritize short-term gratification and the avoidance of discomfort. These instincts are rooted in our evolutionary past and have helped ensure our survival as a species and are driven by the amygdala and the limbic system, which are responsible for emotions and instinctual responses.
There’s lots of different terms used for when the brain is relying on these instincts. I think “toddler-brain” is most helpful when it comes to describing the challenges of following through on our schedule. And just like a toddler who refuses to go home from the playground or demands a second ice cream cone, Do not negotiate with your toddler-brain.
Knowing that we can’t expect ourselves to always do the thing we say we will, here are some tips on avoiding or minimizing the need to negotiate with your toddler brain:
Make plans and set goals that are rooted in self-worth
Choose your non-negotiables. Just like a toddler, set rules and routines that must be followed to ensure wellbeing and development. Start with one, get good at it, and then move to the next.
Toddlers are more likely to tantrum if they are tired, hungry, overstimulated, or frustrated. Same when it comes to giving in to your toddler-brain! So as my grandma would say, “eat good and sleep good”. Get the relaxation you need and process your frustrations (ideally with a coach!)
Trust your logical, rational self who had previously thought it was in your best interests to do what you put on your calendar.
Just as you would a toddler, have empathy and patience with yourself. Your brain is just trying to keep you safe. Thank it for doing its job, but assure it that the adult in the room (the version of you who sets your calendar) is boss.
Want added support for going up against your inner-toddler? Book a call with me here to learn how coaching can help you master the tips above.