Let’s Talk about Guilt

I was flooded with guilt this morning as I listened to the jaws of the recycling truck mashing the metal bed frame and plastic drawers that I had put out the night before. “I should have tried harder/waited longer to find someone to take them” and in thinking that, I felt guilt. To counteract that uncomfortable feeling, my mind flooded with excuses. “At least I tried.” “At least it’s not going to landfill.” “No one wants this crap from 10 years ago.” My brain was quick to counter-argue with itself. “But they did want it, you just didn’t give it enough time!” “This will be sorted into low-value bails of metal and plastic that might not get recycled!”, “Somebody would be thrilled to get this stuff!”

Indulging in this mind drama was unhelpful. What's worse, it meant that I was not having my own back: I was not supporting the decision I had made last night to put these out in the first place.

Having our own back on decision making, whether big or small, is one of the BEST empowerment tools there is.

By not letting yourself second guess decisions you’ve made, you learn to better trust yourself and have self-kindness and respect.

With that trust, kindness, and respect, we can foster curiosity instead of judgment over our decisions. We can better learn from our actions on whether we want to make the same choice again.

I acted in integrity with my value of reuse before recycling by putting my items on Craigslist for free. And I also acted in integrity when I recognized that my time is valuable to me, and my 500 sq ft of NYC apartment space is valuable to me. Having those items standing awkwardly in my kitchen and emails from multiple people who flake wasn’t working for me. So when recycling day came, I did the next best thing to reuse, and I put them out with the rest of the metal, glass, and plastic from my building. Guilt-free and empowered.

I wasn't surprised when my brain offered guilt-inducing thoughts this morning. Of course my brain is struggling with this dissonance of values. Of course it’s trying to “should” me and shame me for not being perfect. That’s what brains do. But we always have a choice for whether we listen to those thoughts our brain offers. And I will always choose to have my own back.

So this morning, I gently reminded myself of my decision, and held space for my discomfort of the sounds of the truck crushing my usable items. My guilt soon subsided.

Have you struggled with a similar dissonance in your efforts to live in integrity with your values? I’d like to hear about it!